Consolation At The Dresden

It came out of the blue, he says. He was the happiest he’s ever been, and it had all come tumbling down in one moment. On stage, Marty and Elayne perform a scorching rendition of “Smooth Operator.” Not a note in place. He rubs his eyes with his thumb and pointer finger. I’m going to tell you something, and you can never repeat it. I haven’t told anyone. I don’t know how to say it, so I’m just going to tell you. She got pregnant.

And I could’ve gone either way with it, but she asked me to take her to the clinic and I did. It wrecked her, and it wrecked me too. He eats an olive, watches Elayne rip apart “Somewhere Over The Rainbow.” He laughs, shakes his head. Sips his dirty martini.

I saw her car outside of her husband’s house last night. I got out and made sure. Later, she came by and I asked her where she was, just to see if she would lie to me. She did. She told me she was at her friend’s place. She fucking lied to my face... let’s get some mozzarella sticks, I’m starving. You know, she warned me. I knew it wasn’t going to last, it couldn’t... but I had to do it. It was really love. Really, it was real. He motions real with his hands. He rubs his face.

We got into an accident. She was driving through the mountains at night without her brights on, and we drove into the side of the mountain. When I saw it coming, I thought that was it, and let everything go. We should’ve died. My phone was in my hand and hit me in the sternum. Now it’s hard to breathe. I get my results on Monday. He shakes his head. That happened two days after the abortion. Just boom boom, one, two.

He stares into the crowd. I like seeing if people are really into this, or if they’re just here to laugh. He looks at the pink spotlight, then at Marty, who’s swaying he shoulders to the music. He looks like his head is going to explode.

He takes out a pack of tobacco and begins to roll. Do you want one? I’ll make you one. He laughs to himself, then stops. He’s already frowning. If she’s back with him, Phil... I know, he looks like a Phil, too. If she’s back with him, it’s over. I can’t see her again. But she wants to keep making art together, and shit, that’ll kill me. All of this, and still seeing her twice a week to make beautiful art? We have a show in September. This company wants to put our designs on pillowcases and lamps. We can’t pass up that opportunity. What do I do? He shakes his head. I just thought maybe you could help. My mom would’ve said, fuck her, she can’t do that to you, lie to you and have the art too. She can’t have any of it.

His eyes smile. Then he smiles. I kind of want to punish her. See it fall apart, watch her suffer. His smile grows for a moment, then vanishes.

You’re right, I would feel terrible. I could never do that, I love her. But I just want to see it all come crashing down. What do I do? I’ll be right back, I have to use the restroom. Don’t leave, okay?